Is My Child Spoiled? 9 Signs and How to Reset
Nine signs a child may be struggling with entitlement, why it happens, and a practical plan to reset expectations with limits, chores and connection over stuff.
How to Handle a Child Who Hits
Why young children hit, what to do and say in the moment, how to teach better ways to handle anger, and when hitting is a sign to talk to your pediatrician.
Key takeaways
- Hitting is common in toddlers and preschoolers, who have big feelings and few words.
- Stop it calmly and immediately, name the feeling and state the limit: “I won’t let you hit.”
- Teach and practise alternatives when your child is calm.
On this page
Few moments are as mortifying as watching your child hit another child at the playground. It’s also extremely common, especially between about 18 months and 4 years. Hitting is usually a sign of big feelings and limited skills, not a sign that you’ve failed.
Why young children hit
- Frustration when they can’t get what they want or can’t say what they feel
- Overwhelm from tiredness, hunger or overstimulation
- Testing cause and effect: “What happens if I do this?”
- Getting attention, even negative attention
- Copying what they’ve seen
What to do in the moment
- Step in quickly and calmly. Gently hold their hand or move them away.
- State the limit simply: “I won’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.”
- Name the feeling: “You’re really angry he took the truck.”
- Check on the other child first; it shows that hurting has consequences for others.
- Move away from the situation for a moment if needed, and stay close until they calm down. The same approach works for toddler biting.
Avoid hitting back or shouting, which teaches that big people use force when upset.
Teach what to do instead
Hitting stops faster when children have something else to do with the feeling. Practise when calm:
- Use words: “Stop!” “My turn!” “I’m mad!”
- Stomp feet or squeeze hands tightly instead
- Walk away to a calm-down spot
- Ask for help from an adult
Role-play with toys, praise every time they use a new skill and read picture books about feelings.
Prevent the triggers
- Watch for hunger, tiredness and overstimulation; our guide to toddler tantrums covers common triggers.
- Stay close during playdates with toys that tend to cause conflicts.
- Give warnings before transitions.
- Build plenty of connected one-on-one time.
Consequences that help
For older preschoolers, a simple, immediate consequence works: leaving the playground, or a short break from the game. Keep it calm and consistent; see natural vs logical consequences.
Sibling hitting
Hitting between siblings needs the same approach, plus fair ways to share and take turns; see our guide to sibling rivalry.
When to talk to your pediatrician
- Hitting is frequent, severe or getting worse after age 4 or 5
- Your child hurts themselves or others badly
- Aggression comes with other concerns, such as speech delays or big changes in behavior
- You feel unable to manage it
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for a toddler to hit?
Yes. It’s one of the most common toddler behaviors and usually fades as language and self-control grow.
Should I make my child say sorry?
A forced apology rarely teaches much. Instead, help them notice the other child’s feelings and make amends, like offering a toy or a hug.
What if my child hits me?
Stay calm, block or move away, and state the limit. Then help them with their feeling once everyone is calm.
Sources
Every article is edited by a human and checked against our editorial policy. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.
Keep reading
How to Stop Whining (Without Losing Your Mind)
Why children whine, what to do in the moment, how to stop rewarding it, teaching a “big voice” and preventing triggers, for toddlers to school-age kids.
Sibling Rivalry: Scripts for Parents
Why siblings fight and how to respond: when to step in, scripts for common fights over toys, fairness and teasing, and how to build a better relationship.