Toddler Tantrums: What Actually Works (By Age)
Why toddlers have tantrums, what to do in the moment at each age, how to prevent the next one, and when tantrums are a reason to talk to your pediatrician.
Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling
How to prepare your child for a new baby: when to tell them, books and practice, the hospital visit, the first weeks home, regression and jealousy.
Key takeaways
- Tell young children later in the pregnancy, in concrete terms, and older children earlier; involve them in simple ways.
- Make big changes, such as a new bed or potty training, well before or well after the birth.
- Expect some jealousy and regression, protect one-on-one time and never leave a young child alone with the baby.
On this page
A new baby changes everything for an older sibling: the attention, the routines and their place in the family. Most children feel a mix of excitement, curiosity and jealousy, sometimes all in the same hour. You can’t prevent every wobble, but thoughtful preparation and a few protected rituals help your child feel secure and even proud of their new role.
When and how to tell them
Young children have little sense of time, so nine months is an eternity.
- Toddlers (1 to 3): tell them in the later part of the pregnancy, when the bump is obvious. Link the timing to something concrete: “The baby will come when it’s cold and we have our holiday.”
- Preschoolers (3 to 5): tell them earlier if you like, and expect lots of questions, some of them surprising.
- School-age kids: tell them around the time you share the news with others, so they don’t hear it from someone else.
Keep it simple and honest. Babies cry, sleep a lot and can’t play at first; setting realistic expectations avoids disappointment when the “new friend” turns out to be a sleepy bundle.
Before the baby arrives
- Read books about new siblings and talk about the characters’ feelings.
- Look at your child’s own baby photos and tell stories about when they were little.
- Practise with a doll: holding it gently, patting its back, singing to it.
- Involve them in small choices, such as picking a toy or outfit for the baby, or helping set up the nursery.
- Visit friends with babies so newborns feel less strange.
- Explain the plan for the birth: who will look after them, where they’ll sleep and when they’ll meet the baby.
Time big changes carefully
If your child needs to move to a big bed, start preschool, give up a pacifier or begin potty training, try to do it a couple of months before the birth, or wait until a few months after. Changes right around the arrival can feel like being pushed out for the baby.
The first meeting
- Have someone else carry the baby when your child first comes in, so your arms are free for a hug.
- Let them explore the baby at their own pace, with your help to be gentle.
- Consider a small gift “from the baby” and let your child give one in return, if they like.
- Ask visitors to greet the older child first, before the baby.
The first weeks home
- Protect their routines. Keep meals, naps and bedtime as consistent as possible; our bedtime routine guide helps.
- Give them real jobs: fetching a diaper, choosing a song, telling you when the baby wakes. Praise them as a helpful big brother or sister.
- Guarantee one-on-one time. Even 10 to 15 minutes a day of undivided attention, doing something your child chooses, goes a long way.
- Narrate the baby’s “interest” in them: “Look, she’s watching you. She loves your songs.”
- Accept help from family and friends so you have more time and patience for your older child.
- Keep a special basket of books and quiet toys for feeding times, so your older child has something to do next to you.
Jealousy and regression are normal
Many children react to a new sibling by acting younger: wanting a bottle, asking to be carried, having potty accidents or waking at night. Others become clingy, defiant or rough. This is normal and usually passes within weeks to a few months.
- Don’t shame regression. Meet the need calmly: a cuddle, a turn at being “the baby” in play. Reassurance usually shortens the phase.
- Name the feelings: “It’s hard sharing Mommy. You miss our time together.” Allow the feeling, even while limiting behavior.
- Set clear limits on rough behavior: “I won’t let you hurt the baby. You can squeeze this pillow.” Our guide to a child who hits covers calm responses.
- Watch for bigger meltdowns, a common sign of stress; see our guide to tantrums.
If your child starts wetting the bed after being dry, it’s often temporary; our bedwetting guide explains when to check with a doctor.
Safety first
Toddlers and preschoolers can hurt a baby without meaning to, by hugging too hard, climbing into the crib or offering food. Never leave a young child alone with a newborn, even for a moment. Teach gentle touch, such as stroking feet or hands, and supervise every interaction.
As they grow up together
Sibling relationships grow over years, not weeks. Avoid comparisons, give each child time alone with you and teach problem-solving as they get older; our guide to sibling rivalry has scripts for the arguments ahead.
Frequently asked questions
When should I tell my toddler about a new baby?
In the later months of pregnancy, when the bump is visible. Link the timing to events your toddler understands.
Is it normal for my child to regress after a new baby arrives?
Yes. Acting younger is a common, temporary way of asking for reassurance. Respond calmly and give extra attention.
How do I handle jealousy of the new baby?
Acknowledge the feelings, protect daily one-on-one time, give your child meaningful jobs and set calm limits on rough behavior.
Sources
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Potty Training: What the Evidence Says
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Toddler Biting: Why It Happens and How to Stop It
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